It's Over Already?

Is it really already time for that ending, wrap-up-all-your-feelings blog? How can 5 months go by so slowly and yet so quickly? At once, I feel that I have been in China forever and also that I have barely just arrived!

The past month I have been remiss in blogging. With my time spent researching Beijing Opera and writing an extensive research paper (30+ pages, baby!), as well as preparing for graduate school applications, I have taken every available chance to leave my computer and explore the city. Sitting down to blog when I could go to the beach…well, what would YOU pick?

After successfully combining play with work for a solid couple weeks, I completed a draft of my paper and was rewarded with what essentially vacation in Qingdao. Accompanied by Madison, Lauren, and Hunter, I headed off to visit all those places I wanted to see but hadn’t gotten around to yet!

I consider that last month to be one of my favorite times during my stay in China. Buying fruit in an extended street market, discovering the hidden slums within view of skyscrapers, strolling through the lantern-lit park at night, wandering around the German area of town, bartering for tea-pots on the street—this was the China that I discovered.

I enjoyed life in China much more in the past month than I did in the first 4 months I was here. To be honest, I was conflicted about China for quite a long time. It was a new and exciting adventure that challenged and stretched me, but for a long time I wasn’t sure if I actually LIKED China. I always liked travelling and sightseeing, but when it came to day-to-day life, I just wasn’t sure how I felt.

China is always crowded. For a long time, it was too cold for anyone to be comfortable outside, and yet there were still crowds. I couldn’t communicate. I didn’t like people spitting, shoving or snot-flinging. I couldn’t communicate. Children pee on the sidewalk. The air was polluted. I couldn’t communicate. Added to these frustrations was relationship drama among fellow Missourians, and it made for a stressful experience.

But, gradually things began to shift toward a more positive perspective. Even though I still don’t like many of the things previously pointed out, I learned to be more accepting, adopting the common expat phrase, “Well, it’s China.” The weather grew warmer, so I was able to see more of the city instead of huddling in my room. I also developed language skills that allowed me to converse and be more independent. And I said “goodbye” to those involved in the drama—some as friends, some not.

Then I really got to see Qingdao for myself, not through the eyes of my teachers, classmates, or fellow international students. A little raw from the combination of lingering culture shock and losing friends, I set out to redefine this study abroad experience for myself. I played in the ocean with strangers, watched a Chinese movie projected in the street at dusk, made friends with a tailor and a tea-seller, won arguments with shop-keepers, and took strolls around the city. In the process, I learned to like China and developed a deeper affection for the Chinese people.

Now, I still think that Chinese people are a little strange sometimes. I consider that women’s fashion of wearing panty-hose socks with all types of shoes is weird, as well as the ever-present heels with sweat pants combination. I don’t like that all the men seem to smoke. I’d rather no one forcibly propel me into their store or toward a camera. But these surface things aside, I consider Chinese people to be intrinsically kind. Everyone is connected to each other, resulting in a large community-family mindset.

This idea is easiest to see on trains, where strangers chatter away and the whole car becomes best friends. While I initially didn’t like being approached, and saw it as yet another example of my white skin failing to fit into China, I realized that I was being invited into the community when someone asked where I was from and how I enjoyed China. As soon as I attempted to respond in Chinese, I was in the family—heck, even if I didn’t understand what was being asked and only smiled! While many times I preferred my silence, not wanting to enter into the commotion that would inevitably last the whole train ride, I enjoyed watching the close interactions among people.

In addition to the extended family that exists in China, I was also privileged to gain a host family. My Sundays with the Wang family led me deeper into the reality of Qingdao, introducing me to aspects that I probably never would have discovered as a foreigner. Whether sightseeing, playing in a park, learning card games, or lounging on the living room floor playing checkers, I loved my time with my host family because I really felt that I was living in China, instead of just being a tourist. When I had to say goodbye to my family, we shared presents. My阿姨 (“aunt,” affectionate term for woman of similar age as one’s parent) gifted me a ring that was once her mother’s. It is a tradition to give this ring from mother to daughter; she only has one son and instead of giving it to his future wife, she gave it to me.

The kindness and warmth of the Chinese people is immense. I believe it is what I enjoy most about China, and the people’s affection inspires my own.

I could feel regret that I only developed this mindset toward the end of my time (and indeed, I do—a little), but I am appreciative that I reached this outlook at all. Almost all the international students struggled to adapt to China, with varying degrees of effort and success. Certainly, many of my classmates never got to the point of affection for China, some counting the days until their return to the States and others even leaving early. I’m glad that I outlasted the bad elements and chose to live life in Qingdao.

And it really was just life, no matter how “cool” or “exotic” the idea of my trip may seem to some. I laughed, got sick, studied, lost friends, made friends, found a family, ditched class, discovered foods that I loved, avoided foods I couldn’t stand, cried, watched movies, got scammed out of money, went on dates, worked a job, travelled, went shopping, had a birthday, got lost, gave in and asked for directions, took pictures, passed tests, and became a regular at a restaurant.

At the end of it, I am still myself, if perhaps a little stronger or more independent. I know how I operate and what I value.

I’m forever going to remember experiencing this time with my sister, Madison, who I also get to call friend. We may have bickered occasionally, but I couldn’t have done it without her, and wouldn’t have wanted to! So here’s to her, and here’s to China, for providing us with stories to tell for years!

And here’s to whoever is reading. Thank you for following along. I’m planning to continue using this blog to share stories as I remember them, as well as work through feelings upon my return to the US. You’re welcome to keep reading, though I make no promises about how often I’ll write, or how interesting my thoughts will be. Maybe I’ll see some of you and can share recollections in person. Just be prepared for the inevitable moment when I pause, shake my head and chuckle, “You just had to be there.” Elements of China are simply indescribable. So don’t get annoyed if that happens; go and see for yourself!

再见！